i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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