I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
