when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize