I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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