Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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