last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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