If i come over, it means nothing
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
