I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
