I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
