That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
