So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
