I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
