how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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