I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
