ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
