Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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