I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
