His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
