I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
