I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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