just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
