I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize