i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
