I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
