I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
