I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize