Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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