Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
