And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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