the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
