she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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