I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He passed out mid-signature
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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