and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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