we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
