he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
did you just send me my own nude
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
