He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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