I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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