Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
