I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
