i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize