I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
