I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
