ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't put those talents on a resume
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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