DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
