i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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