and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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