I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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