you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Bring me that man meat
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
