He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize