im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
