I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
