my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
