New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
