I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
