Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need water and some morals
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
