I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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