she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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