I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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