You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
