I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
