the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
