Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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