hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
