I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
