That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
if only i could text you this smell
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
