what if every blade of grass was a penis?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
