Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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