Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
North Korea, Best Korea!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
