he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
