I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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