Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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