dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize