Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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