dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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