I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
