Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sobbing to NWA
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
