I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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