Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
