I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
