saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
