A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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