Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
