If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize