I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
