Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
