Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just high enough for therapy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
