she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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